When Someone Hurts You

WHEN SOMEONE HURTS YOU

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"You are my servant. You have been chosen to know me, believe in me, and understand that I alone am God." Isaiah 43:10 (NLT)

Several years ago, I had hit a snapping point with a friend.  Our friendship was not how I envisioned it to be, it felt unbalanced and I just knew it should be so much more.  I HATE conflict, but I decided that nothing was going to change unless I approached my friend and let them know how I felt.  I believed if I shared my viewpoint that my friend would see my pain and be more deliberate in showing me I was loved and valued. I bravely confronted my friend and let her know how I felt. In my mind, she was one of my best friends because we seemed to get along great, we had several things in common, and I enjoyed our conversations. What I was most upset about was that our conversations were mostly started by me and when it came to doing anything together, it was random, not intentional. I found out that she didn’t really think that way about me; though she considered me a friend she didn’t really reciprocate my vision. Cannily, just having that conversation pushed her farther away, because it stirred up an uncomfortable feeling of being overly needed.

I was undone!  This was not the first friendship I had poured my heart into only to see things weren’t mutual. I had circled that mountain before and this is where I would just run away until such time where I would circle the mountain again. But God wouldn’t let me do that this time. It disturbed me, but I heard clearly, “Don’t run, just love.” It was hard to be around my friend and chose to love them for where they were at.  God let me know it was time I trusted Him for my wholeness and needs. Time to stop requiring those around me to be my provision.

Here's what I learned:

Trust God, Not Your Emotions.

Isaiah 43:1-2 says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.  I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.” God positioned other friends to encourage me to see myself as a worthy friend and a beautiful person. It came down to seeing the value and beauty God put inside of me even when my life said the opposite. I didn’t really trust God in these circumstances before because I had nothing to base it on. God’s character and His thoughts toward me are a strong foundation.

Let Jesus Have Dominion.

Even though I was sure we were meant to be friends, I had to let that go so Jesus could heal me and the brokenness in our friendship.  In my heart I had to be at peace with never having the friendship I thought we should.  In turn, to be a person who can love when God says, without requiring it back.  Isaiah 43:18 (NLT) says, “But forget all that- it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new.” Let God make things new; He has a better vision of things than you.

The Bible is Treasure.

Let the Holy Spirit speak truth to trample the lies of the enemy when wrong thinking comes.  I wrote out declarations/truths in my phone.  When I felt wronged or alone, because I was focused again on what I wasn’t being included in with friends, I would bring out my notepad and declare God’s truth over me until the lie lost its hold on me.  It was well over a year of training my mind to really believe God's truth.

Forgiveness Sets You Free.

I needed to forgive myself for not being whole in this area, my friends for not living up to my standards, and for failing to trust God before this.  I had to learn to think the best of those around me.  Most of life’s hurts and offenses are a lie the enemy has convinced you to believe.  Being mindful of that lie will set you free to live life unoffended.

Through saying yes to God’s request not to run, I chose to let the Holy Spirit heal me and embody truth in this area of my life.  It took about two years, but now I have lots of good friends including my friend from the story.